Choosing Today

About a week ago a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer. It was shocking - she's young and healthy and I find myself saying "why her?". Why anyone, really? And then the fear set in, both for her as well as for me - not so much about what would happen to her if she died...but what would happen to those around her? Her husband, her children? How would they cope? What would they need in lieu of her being there? What does she say to them? She was trying to deal with a tomorrow that had not yet come...and wondering if today could be all that she had. And with that...came the inevitable realization that all any of us may ever have is "today".

Now my girlfriend is early stage and treatable and all of that is good news. But those five days of not knowing that I lived along with her, caused me to really reflect. It was interesting for me because I'm deeply spiritual - so I don't fear what happens in the ever-after. In fact, I have joy in the knowing of where I'm going. But it doesn't mean I'm anxious to leave all this. However, I started to think about how much of all this I'm really present for. When I'm at home in the morning, I'm thinking about work later on. When I'm at work, I'm multi-tasking a million things - What do the numbers look like for this month? What am I making for dinner tonight? Who do I need to spend time with on the team? Is the lacrosse uniform clean for Saturday? How do we get to the number for the end of the year? Who's carpooling today? How do we increase demand in the market? Did I pay for the costumes for the dance recital in June? Did I make the reservations for my next business trip? When am I going to go buy that birthday present? What am I even going to get? Are we going to have made enough for the college funds and retirement? I am emailing, Twittering, IMing, Facebooking, phoning ... I think you get the picture. I'm no different than any one else. We all are inundated with life. But are we living it?

We can plan for the future but I'm reminded that all we can ever really affect is today. Last night I said to myself "Tomorrow I'm going to get up and go to the gym." Today - the alarm goes off and I have a choice - I can get up and go, or I can choose not to. What I said to myself last night though is gone - now, in the wee light of the morning, I have to choose. And in that moment I decide, "today I'm making a decision to be healthy and I'm going to the gym". Some of that is subconscious of course - we don't necessarily painstakingly follow the mental steps to that decision - but they happen. When I got home, my mind already running through the work day ahead, I had a choice - I can look at my children in their eyes and talk to them and let them know that I see and hear them with no other distractions - or I can get on my computer and half-listen so that I can "get more done". But, if I remind myself that all I can affect is "today"...then I choose to look at them and listen to them and hug them and smell the freshly washed hair (or not so freshly washed). And in that very moment - in those ten minutes of focused attention - they know they are loved and cherished and noticed. If all I ever have is "today" then I don't want to waste that, because it will affect their tomorrow. If I want to do all that I can to be around for tomorrow, then I make decisions today that increase my chances of that. If I'm planning for my children to feel loved, interesting, and self-sufficient, then I have to act today in ways that fulfill that. And it goes on...

Of course we can't get away from all of the planning that needs to happen - all of the things that need to get taken care of. But we can choose to be present in the moments that we are given. I often find that I give up the control of that. I forget that I have the ability to steer myself to see the sun in the morning and feel the heat of it - and feel glad; to see my spouse or loved one and look them in the eye when I say "I love you" - and feel love; to sit in a meeting and not look at email or Twitter or IM and participate - and feel engaged and productive. Because those are the things that are happening "today". And if today is all I have, then I don't want to miss a moment of it. Today is a choice.

Just the Girls

I’ve recently returned from a weekend celebrating a friend’s birthday. I LOVE this girl – she LOVES her birthday and I really think that’s an incredibly endearing trait of hers. Because of it – it provides the catalyst for twelve women to get together to celebrate once a year. Some of us have known each other through work for over 15 years…we’ve seen each other through our wild single days (although I'm certain it wasn't really "that wild"), motherhood, divorce, health scares, job changes, successes, humiliations – you name it. Even if we haven’t been able to be there in person, we’ll hear about it through the grapevine and our thoughts are not far from the other. Others of us know each other through friends or affiliations – but regardless, we’ve all been around each other enough times to care – and that makes for moments of joy and elation at the sight of each other and a day full of catching up as well as making more memories together.

What struck me about this particular trip was the unconditional acceptance of who each woman was. That we have grown to admire the craziness of one, generosity of another, the more quiet, shy nature of yet another. Each person brings a unique quality to the whole – and there’s no judgment that one is not like another. I still sit here today fascinated by the feeling of it. Here were twelve women who were out on a mission to capture and experience as much joy and laughter and fun as an 8 hour bus ride in the wine country could allow. Rest assured – it allows for a lot!

Beyond the hilarious antics of the day – there was the beauty of watching the healing of a rift between two of the women who were deeply meant to be friends, there were secrets being shared in one-off private conversations – there was dancing and singing and laughing and crying. It was a celebration and in every celebration there is opportunity. This was our opportunity to re-connect and to enjoy the freedom of hanging loose with the women in our lives who we don’t see every day, but for whom we might be lesser than, if they were not in our lives.

As I was starting out my career with several of these women, I don’t think I ever thought that they would become part of the very fabric of who I am. But as I think back on our years together and the memories that now come out of weekends like this one – I can’t help but think about how blessed I am to have these kinds of connections and to see other women comfortable in the life they have carved out for themselves. I walk away from this weekend, joyful for having been a part of it and grateful for the lesson that there is no “one” way to live life … only “right” people to live it with!