Playing with a Full Deck

I turned 52 two weeks ago.  I joke now that I’m finally "playing with a full deck".  I ought to be able to do things better.   I've decided to take some steps and in doing so, I thought I would share the journey that I'm just embarking on.  I hope something might be helpful to you too along the way.  It certainly won't be perfect - but it will be real and honest and I'll try to be as transparent as possible.  

It’s been a turbulent last few years for me.  While I've had moments of clarity, resolve, and brightness, I have mostly been unhappy with myself. I’ve fluctuated across the same 30 pounds for the last I-don't-know-how-many years and have been at my highest weight since pregnancy.  And while I’ve battled the same 30 - I have a lot more than that to lose   (btw – that is not easy to say out-loud to all two of you who might be reading this 😉 but mostly to myself)  I’ve lacked energy.  I didn’t feel good in my own skin.  You know that feeling?  Have you too ever tried to make sure you’re always standing the right way or sitting the right way that would somehow magically make you look thinner than you are – or at least make the weight not seem as noticeable?   I have always loved fashion and being on my game with style, but even that had lost its appeal because it just never felt good anymore.  Trying on clothes – yuck 😝.  Actually – it’s interesting because there is a memory reel that plays back every time I don’t like what I see in the mirror.  I remember a time in high school where we were at a friend’s house in the hot tub and one of the boys I could hear say to another one “Hey what do you think of Staci?”, and he said “she’s alright - from the waist up”.  And that my friends, is the self concept I have taken with me through the last 34 years.  HIGH SCHOOL.  I know, I know - LET.IT.GO.  But unfortunately those things stick and particularly when we are feeling our worst.   

 

It’s not as if I’ve never done anything about my weight, but I just had lost all energy around it.  The yo-yo-ing was killing me (figuratively).   And, with a full time career and a family, I definitely struggled with putting myself first and so when it came time to make decisions for myself, I was all decisioned-out.  I honestly just felt like I couldn’t make one more choice at night, so I would acquiesce to the easiest things – take out, comfort food, emotional/stress eating.  

 

When Covid hit, it took awhile for me to realize that it was a real opportunity.  I usually travel quite a bit for work.  But now, I found myself with the realization that I may not even get on a plane for work again this year.  So for all those times when I never had enough time for a decent meal or working out – or I was just too exhausted for both – what would my excuse be now?  Alas, I found that I was out of excuses.  I was simply left with a question – “How would I go about succeeding?”   I couldn’t bear the idea of failing.   So with my "full deck" that I’ve so valiantly earned – I decided that I needed a long term fix. I took a plunge and hired a nutrition and fitness coach for what I expect to be at least the next 6 months to a year.  It’s going to take at least 6 months to lose the weight that I want to lose, likely longer, so my intention is to create a level of accountability for myself.  It’s not that I don’t know what to do – although as I’ll share here, the insights I’ve already received are astounding and some of what I’m eating flies in the face of all the dieting prowess I thought I had.  Which, right there, is indicative of why I needed a coach.  I do need someone to guide me, and putting my money where my mouth is seemed like a good way to go about it.  

 

So I’m two weeks in (and 8 pounds down 🎉).  What have I learned? 

1.  I'm not alone.  It’s actually not all that uncommon for women to feel “decisioned out” but it was the first time I had said it to someone (my coach) and she said she comes across it all the time – vis-à-vis - "I’m not alone".  Strong women balancing careers and families and all the decisions that come with that often hit a wall at the end of the day.  Okay – so what does that mean?  I have to make the decisions for myself first – then I don’t have to "decide" later.   

2.   Have integrity.  A statement she made to me was that often times people whine a bit and say “I just need motivation” and she says “You don’t need motivation – you need INTEGRITY”….wait, what???  I about fell over.  Yes - that makes sense. “Do what you say and say what you mean.”  “Let your word be your bond.” I am 100% connected to that in my personal interactions and work but never with regards to my workouts, my meal choices or my commitments to myself about myself. 

3.   Own the narrative.  It’s important to define what health is for you and who you want to be recognized as when you walk in a room.  For me it started with my own mission statement.  Then I defined my guiding principles and then I set out to write down how I’d like others to see me and ultimately what the definition of “health” was.  For you, it might be different but that’s how I got there.  Part of the reason I went through that particular order was to make sure I didn’t define myself by how others see me.  I wanted to define myself first – and then determine how that might manifest itself in the presence of others.   The definition of health can be broad – you can define health for yourself as things you do that increase your joy – including things like “self-care” e.g. massages, facials, etc. can be part of a definition of health.  It can be listening to music.  Dancing. It doesn’t have to be a narrow interpretation of cholesterol, BMI, heart health.  By the way – it’s your health.  Own the narrative.  Note – this will become the dominant theme. 

4.   Plan the work and work the plan.  The prep, and then the adherence is empowering. I loved my first week.  I felt like a boss - in control.  The second week was a little wobbly for me - by Friday I wanted nachos and ice cream.  But I knew I had had a tough week personally and a migraine in there, and I reminded myself of why I didn't want that and regardless of what my emotions where craving - my decision had already been made.  I worked the plan.  

5.   Light bulbs:  Some of you might laugh at the following - but they were "aha" moments for me:

• As I am losing weight – I get to start eating more calories when I plateau or have had significant weight loss – not less calories!!!  My coach says it’s like stoking a campfire.  And I’m eating more than 1400 calories a day and losing weight.  Gone are the days of 1,000 calories.  It’s counter intuitive to everything we’ve been taught over the years.  
• I can eat bananas.  I know this sounds crazy but I have been so brainwashed that you never eat bananas when you’re dieting because they are so starchy and full of sugar. In fact, I was texting with one of my best friends telling her that I had to go to the store to get bananas because I was out and she immediately texted back and said “wait, you can eat bananas?”.  YES! I eat a banana every single day in my protein shake.  It’s incredibly satisfying and curbs cravings for sure. 

6.   It’s critical to forgive.  To forgive others (high school boy who had no idea the damage those few words could wreak).  To forgive yourself for your shortcomings.  To repent and let go of ugly baggage – jealousy, insecurity, hate, self-pity…  Believe it or not – it's all weight.  When your spirit and mind are weighed down, your body mirrors it. 

7.   Don’t be a martyr.  You chose to embark on a new lifestyle that includes a whole range of decisions around what you will eat and what you want to do from an exercise perspective.  That’s no one else’s responsibility and it’s not a hardship – or a pity party.  It’s a decision you made for yourself.  I have a friend who is an Ironman athlete and she’s incredible.  The amount of hours that she spends training is mind-boggling.  She chooses to eat differently and to spend time differently than others do.  She’s unapologetic.  What I’ve chosen to do is no different.  Okay, well let’s be clear, I’m not setting out to be an Ironman contender – but I am in my own race for glory.  And it means that I can be unapologetic about my choices and that I own that decision – so no one else owes me anything.  They don’t have to figure out if what they are serving for dinner works for me – that is my problem.  They don’t owe it to me to find out whether I want to work out at a certain time, I decide and I either join them or I don’t because I have a different priority.  It does require that I take ownership of the process (#4).  It also means that I have to figure out how to realign or redefine my FOMO.   And btw - I have agency.  I can always decide not to do what I said I was going to do...but then I'm letting go of my power.  See #8. 

  8.  Don’t give away your power.  I often say this to young women who are starting their careers who ask me how I’ve managed in a world amid men who are in the range of 50-somethings to 30-somethings – how do I get heard?  I say three things to these amazing young women: 

1.   Always stand up straight.  You have no idea of the power in good posture.  Put your shoulders back and see how you feel.  When you stand tall and walk into a room, people notice.  

2.   Look people in the eye and speak clearly.  You can be funny.  Don’t be coy.

3.   Do what you say you’re going to do.  People have no choice but to respect people who get stuff done. 

And while this is in regards to work – the same absolutely holds true for the decisions that you make about your lifestyle:   

            🔆 Put your shoulders back.  (you got this!)

            🔆 Look people in the eye and speak clearly.  (leave no room for ambiguity)  

            🔆 Do what you say you are going to do.  (create respect and trust within yourself)

You are in charge.  Own your narrative.  

Since I apparently have the whole deck of cards now, I'm going to do all I can to take the advice and coaching I'm given, along with my own advice, and see if I can change my game. It's a long road...but it's a much better road than the one I was one.